


Find Me Again

by VividDayDreamer



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Angst, Clexa, Clexa Week 2020, Clexaweek2020, Don't copy to another site, Eventual Happy Ending, F/F, Forbidden Love, Memory Loss
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-01
Updated: 2020-03-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 10:27:29
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,745
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22968469
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/VividDayDreamer/pseuds/VividDayDreamer
Summary: A six month anniversary outing leads to a horrible accident, leaving Clarke unconscious.  Lexa tends to her, waits by her side, hoping that she'll make it through, and that they'll make it through, together.
Relationships: Clarke Griffin/Lexa
Comments: 16
Kudos: 95





	Find Me Again

**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> Challenge Details: 
>   * Challenge Name: [Clexaweek2020](https://clexaweekofficial.tumblr.com/post/189422642410/clexaweek2020)
>   * Relationship: Clarke/Lexa
>   * Prompt: Day 1 - "Forbidden Love"
> 

> 
>   
> 
> 
> **Find me on[Tumblr (DreamsEscapeUs)](https://dreamsescapeus.tumblr.com/).**
> 
>   
> 

Lexa knew it. She _knew_ it was a bad idea to go hiking that morning. But, it was their six month anniversary and Clarke wanted to go back to the cliffs where they'd first met.

There was a bad storm that came through a few nights ago, and although the sun been shining, the grounds were still too damp. Clarke insisted it'd be okay.

  


"God, it really wasn't, Clarke," Lexa said exasperated. Her voice was strained and her tone carried weight; heavy like lead.

  


Lexa shut her eyes tightly and leaned forward, dropping her head onto her hands, which clasped Clarke's between her own. Caught between the dull hums of the machines, the quiet beeps of the EKG device and the faint sounds of a woman's voice occasionally paging someone over the PA system, Lexa honed in, focusing on the resilient exchange of breaths coming from Clarke.

  


"Dammit, Clarke...," Lexa huffed with restrained frustration. She was angry. She was upset. But most of all, she was scared.

  


Tears pricked at her eyes, kept at bay temporarily by her still shut lids; a thin covering of skin holding back a full flood of emotions. Lexa swallowed hard and inhaled deep and slow, now trying to focus on her own. In and out. In and out. Rhythmic and controlled, hoping to prevent from falling apart.

  


"Excuse me. Ms. Woods?"

  


Lexa blinked her eyes open, fluttering them as they released remnants of what had been kept there. Moist eyes blurred her vision, so she quickly wiped them across her arm. She sniffled once, then turned to face the man dressed in light green scrubs and a pristine white coat.

  


"Yes— Yes, that's me..."

  


Lexa stood, wiping the palms of her hands on her still muddied jeans— she hadn't had a chance to get cleaned up since they'd arrived at the hospital. She crossed her arms over her chest, bracing herself for the news.

  


"What is it, doctor? Will Clarke be okay?"

"We ran some tests and looked over the diagnostics from the scans we'd done when Clarke came in..."

"And?"

"The good news is that she's alive and her life functions are sustainable. She's stable."

  


Lexa listened carefully to every word he said, every bit of inflection in his voice, his tone, his hesitation...

  


"There's more... isn't there?"

"She suffered a head injury, Ms. Woods. While there were no obvious, physical damage to her skull, we did notice some trauma to the brain. She's unconscious at the moment, though we're positive she will wake."

  


His words seemed cautious.

  


"But...?"

"There is reason to believe that her memories will be affected. We are unable to predict what and how much, and whether or not they are temporary or long-term, but... given the evidence, it suggests that this type of outcome is likely."

  


Lexa took a moment at hearing the news. Her arms closed in tighter against her chest; her eyes dropped to the stare at the doctor's badge, focusing on the peeling edge of label. Her mind was wandering everywhere.

  


_What if he's wrong and she doesn't wake up? But what if she does, how much will she remember? What happens if it's long term..."_

  


"What if she doesn't remember me?" Lexa blurted out. The gravity of that thought alone was too much for her to retain within the confines of her mind.

"We will hope for the best," the man paused briefly, acknowledging her fears. "Unfortunately, all we can do now is wait. I'm sorry, Ms. Woods. I wish there was more I could tell you."

  


Lexa nodded. Worried. Concerned. Scared.

  


"Thank you, doctor."

  


When he'd left, Lexa sighed, brows furrowing as she turned back to sit by Clarke's side. The bed was too small, and it didn't feel appropriate, but all she wanted to do was lay next to her, wishing that that today never happened, wishing that they'd stayed in bed like she wanted to; to have played lazily there together until their stomachs grumbled. Clarke would've groaned then. She would've gotten annoyed and pouted until Lexa rolled her eyes and either dragged Clarke up to go out to get food, or happily got up to fix them omelettes while her girlfriend snoozed. Clarke would've later woken up to the smell of freshly brewed coffee and a savory meal, wearing that adoring smile of hers with sleepy eyes, tousled hair and looking sexy in Lexa's tshirt— the same shirt Clarke always stole when she came to stay over.

But no, that wasn't what happened.

Instead, now Clarke laid here, quiet and unaware of the world around her with Lexa just waiting. Desperately. Fear and anxiousness couldn't even begin to describe the sickening twists and turns of her stomach and the anguish toiling through her mind.

Perched at the edge of the bed, she faced Clarke and reached out to run her fingers through her cool and slightly damp hair, running them down gently alongside her face, then tucked in a few strands behind her ear. Her fingers then continued to brush gently across her jaw, tapering as her eyes caught onto her lips.

  


"Please wake up, Clarke. Please."

  


  


* * *

  


  


A few hours later, there was still no change to Clarke's status. She was still stable, still alive, still breathing, yet still unconscious. Lexa had dozed off when she had rested her head next to Clarke, waking only because her stomach urged her to. Seeing that nothing had been missed, she opted to momentarily leave to freshen up and grab something from the cafeteria. She'd only been gone for about an hour or so, but it was long enough for her to have missed out on Clarke's awakening. When she'd returned with her food, a nurse and doctor were already tending to her.

  


"Clarke?" Lexa said out of shock and relief. Her heart skipped a beat at the sight of the woman sitting up in the bed; her facade nearly cracking with the joy of seeing those bright blue eyes which caught her own, upon hearing her name. A bit of solace. Clarke remembered her name. Lexa hurried over to her side, however, the doctor quickly stopped her before she got too close.

"Ms. Woods, a moment?" he said calmly as he stepped in front of her.

  


Lexa wanted to rip the doctor's gentle touch on her shoulder and shove him aside, but at seeing the concerned look on his face, she relented, huffing with dismay. The doctor then guided them out of the room.

  


"I'm sorry to have stopped you like that. However, before you interact with Ms. Griffin, there's something you need to know."

  


Impatient, she answered.

  


"Which is...?"

"That what we had predicted would happen, happened. Some of her memories have been compromised."

"How much?"

"Uncertain. We haven't been able to fully analyze her yet, but we're hoping you can help us out in that regard. So far, she seems to know who she is, recall who her parents are, where she lives, her birthday... several facts that at least is very reassuring. However, she doesn't recall how she got here or what happened. Nor today's date. We're going to have a specialist come by do a further analysis, but your help in assessing the amount of memory loss would assist us greatly."

"Of course. Yes, of course I'll help. Is that all?"

"One more thing." The doctor pressed his lips into a line, hesitant on what he was going to say next.

"Doctor?"

"Ms. Woods. This won't be easy to hear. It never is for anyone who has to face a loved one in Ms. Griffin's state, but, there is something you _need_ to be aware of."

"What's that?"

"If per chance Clarke doesn't remember you, or much of the present, you need not lead her on. You need to restrain your emotions and not add pressure to Clarke. Once she is aware of things that she does not know, it may cause her to panic and get overwhelmed or frightened. Heightened emotions may repress more memories or shock her system. We need her to come to the understanding of things, allow her to formulate her thoughts, and come about them naturally. We want Clarke to come back to herself without preset notions or influences. We also don't want any adverse affects. The mind is... fragile in this state. And as I said, we will have specialists and professionals to help jog Clarke's memories, but there is no way of knowing what will happen next. We just have to make sure that we prevent anything that could cause a setback in Clarke's progression. I know this is a lot, and I'm deeply sorry, but... it's pertinent for you to know."

  


Lexa stared blankly at him, reflecting— processing his words.

  


"Are you saying that I can't tell her that we're together?"

"If she doesn't remember you, unfortunately, yes. You can claim that you're a friend of hers. You may answer questions she may have, but... it's best that you don't talk about your relationship just yet— if that is the case. It could be... too much for Clarke to handle. She'll need time."

"I see..."

  


Lexa stood there, hands in her pockets, feeling defeated before even walking back into the room and speaking to Clarke herself.

  


"Thank you for telling me. I wouldn't want to put Clarke under any more pressure..."

  


Lexa understood what needed to be done and why. Actually coming to terms with it, however, was another story. Despite her reservations and how much she wanted to just scream at their circumstances and of how much more could go wrong, she held it all in, knowing that this was what Clarke needed to heal. 

The doctor nodded his head in understanding, then opened the door back inside. He continued towards his patient with Lexa not too far behind him. With bated breaths and careful steps, she followed him and stood beside the bed. Lexa then caught onto Clarke staring at her. Creases formed between her brows and the lack of familiarity that she saw, shot through Lexa, immediately hinting that the worse of her fears had come to pass.

  


"Clarke...," she called out softly.

"Hi...?"

"Clarke, this is Lexa, a friend of yours that brought you here. Do you remember her?"

"I... I don't. I'm sorry."

  


The apologetic look on Clarke's face was of no consolation to the heaviness and ache in Lexa's heart. Her jaw tensed and tears threatened to fall, but she held back. She had to restrain her emotions, for Clarke's sake.

  


"It's okay," Lexa said with a tight-lipped smile. "You've been through a lot, Clarke."

  


Clarke nodded then looked back at the doctor.

  


"Have you heard from my mother yet?" Her eyes darted between the doctor and Lexa.

"We haven't been able to get a hold of her, no. Perhaps Lexa would be able to assist you though," he responded, nodding slowly at the brunette. "For now, take it easy, Clarke. Lexa is right. You've been through quite an ordeal. We'll leave you two to catch up and will let you know if there's any progress on contacting your mother. In the meantime, if you need anything, feel free to press the call button."

"Thank you, doctor."

  


The doctor nodded, then gestured for the nurse to take her leave as well. When it was just the two of them in the room, the air was heavy, thick with questions and repressed emotions. Lexa initially went to go sit back at the edge of the bed, but caught herself and opted to sit in the seat beside Clarke instead. She didn't want to make her feel uncomfortable.

  


"Lexa, right?" Clarke asked with a faint and unsure smile.

"Yes. That's right."

"I'm sorry I don't remember much. The doctor said that due to the accident, I may experience a temporary lapse in my memories. But... thank you, for bringing me here."

"Of course, Clarke. You're my— my friend. I was worried."

  


For a while, there was an awkward silence. Lexa fought with herself, wanting to just shake Clarke into remembering who she was, pleading for her to recall everything they shared and what they meant to each other. However, at this point, Lexa was just hoping to see a glimpse of recognition on her face; a little spark of glimmer in her eyes suggesting that Clarke _knew_ her. Unfortunately, that never came.

They spoke for a while, with Lexa keeping things very much on a need-to-know basis and leaving their topic of conversation at surface level, careful to not overwhelm Clarke, who was full of questions. Lexa started to feel the frustration building within Clarke, at not recalling anything about the incident. To prevent any further distress, Lexa guided the conversation towards food, remembering that she'd brought up some things from the cafeteria. Ironically it coincided with the low growl from Clarke's stomach. And somehow, that quiet gurgle, made Lexa smile— a real smile— for the first time that evening, at feeling a sense of familiarity.

  


"You better eat. You'll start to get hangry if you don't. It doesn't take much after those first few grumbles," Lexa chuckled.

  


Clarke nodded and just watched Lexa as she rummaged through the bag of food. Her eyes examined the woman beside her; the way her wavy, chestnut hair hung off her left shoulder, the soft, smooth coutures of her face, those rosy cheeks, those green hued eyes, and those full, plump lips... Clarke blinked away then, worried about fixating on them. There was an allure there that caught her eyes, but immediately shifted away from. Instead, she suddenly dropped her gaze until it met a shiny metal pendant which hung from its delicate chain and stood out from the pale skin beneath it.

  


"That's a beautiful necklace."

  


Lexa paused and touched the trinket around her neck. It was the anniversary gift Clarke had given her earlier that day. A copper necklace, formed in the shape of an oak leaf, complete with the intricate detailing of veins embedded within and spread along the uneven surface of the pendant, sat upon her chest. It was a symbol of nature, of the outing that had brought them together six months ago. Lexa teared up at the thought, then quickly swallowed it away. She pursed her lips into a smile, then looked up at Clarke.

  


"It was a gift. From you, actually."

"Oh."

  


For a second, Lexa thought that saying that may have been too much, opening her up to face a series of questions and emotions that were all tied to a simple piece of jewelry. She wasn't ready to face or describe any of it to Clarke, and was concerned about pouring out the feelings she had, considering that it was _Clarke_ who placed it around her neck earlier that day. She worried that—

  


"Sounds about right."

  


Surprised by her words, Lexa looked up to see Clarke smiling softly with a small smirk upon her lips.

  


"You're my friend, right? I only give gifts like that to someone I genuinely care about. Judging by the design, seems like there's a story to tell. May I?"

  


And for once, there was a bit of hope that peeked in through dismal clouds. Clarke recognized something; something in that bit of metal spoke to her. Lexa happily placed their sandwiches down on the bed, then proceeded to unclasp the chain from her neck and carefully handed it over to Clarke. The blonde held it in her hand, her fingers tracing over its surface. For a moment, Lexa kept still, watching the gears turn in Clarke's head.

  


"I don't know why, but there's something about this necklace."

  


And Lexa saw it then; the breaking of that adoring smile slowly forming on her face— the one that Lexa knew of, which spoke wonders. Her lips trembled, and her eyes shut for a moment, trying to keep her composure.

  


_Because you gave it to me, Clarke. Me..._

  


When she opened her eyes, Clarke was still focused on that reddish-brown leaf in her hand, and the smile on her face had widened even more to one of familiarity. When Clarke's eyes lifted to match her own, tears had gathered at its edges. A nervous feeling shot through Lexa, melting into an apprehensive, yet comforting warmth. Lexa knew then, that Clarke was still there. With her. _Her_ Clarke was still alive and all was not lost. She knew then, that they would meet again.

  


**Author's Note:**

>   
> 
> 
> And for fun, putting the necklace the fic was based off of:
> 
>   
>    
> 


End file.
